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Ring Circus |
281 Harvard street
Cambridge, MA
A Happy New Year to you.
I hope you had a nice Christmas. I would have enjoyed receiving a letter from you telling me what education you plan on pursuing. I still do not know what your schooling level is like.
This year, I did not receive any bills for piano lessons - why? Have you been forced to stop or did you simply lose interest? I never refused to pay for piano; quite the opposite, I wish you had continued. Jerome started last January and he plays rather well. He will play in a recital without partition, nor professor, on January 13. He is doing well in school and, quite fortunately, has a study grant from the French government in music as well.
I am working more and more for less money - 13 to 14 hours a day. Jerome is alone at night - he warms his meals alone. You never experienced that. Life is difficult.
I would like to come back to France in two years, but the housing situation worries me. We could have stayed in France in 1960 if we could have found housing for less than 50000 for one room. Life in America is becoming worrisome. The currency is like what we had during the war, prices are rising. Schools are bad, and if a child is to have a future, he has to go to private schools - $600, $650 per year for a six-year old. It is a good thing that Jerome has a grant. I am not totally satisfied with his level, even though it is a French school...
I never wanted to raise my children in the U.S.A. It is fine to go there after studies; you could do so, for example, to teach French. To do so you have to prepare yourself. You have the chance of being born here. But you must get your French diplomas first.
If you can, or maybe Mother Superior could, get information on one-year stays in the U.S.A. in a high school. Normally you have to be sixteen, but I am not too sure of this. You have to ask the American Field Service Scholarship in Paris. You can get the address from the American Embassy Ave. Gabriel, Paris VIIIe. I believe Mother Superior could attest to your academic level. In principle, one must be a good student.
If this is possible, without impeding your French schooling, you could spend a year in the U.S.A. for nothing. You must live in a family that has a child your age. At the end, there is an organized tour. I think you should try this opportunity. And of course, ask for Boston, preferably Cambridge.
How is your English? what topics you are good in and what your intentions for the future? Do you know what kind of work you want to do in the future? Today, diplomas are a must. The requirements keep increasing. Both you and Jerome should benefit from dual citizenship. I am not in America out of pleasure. I never enjoyed it and if I stayed here, it is for very valid reasons, but out of my control. I barely have the time to take care of Jerome. I am always tired and my health is not as good these last few years.
If you had stayed in America, you would have gone to public school; maybe you would have stayed at St. Dominique. Unfortunately, the Mother Superior and the nuns are not French anymore. When you were there, its Mother Superior was the person who had taught me as a child in Paris. It is a small world and it was quite amusing to meet her 6000 kms and many years removed.
A friend of mine returned to France two months ago, after 7 years in America. She was fed up, but mostly for her children. This is why I would love to come back to France in the next two years. I do not want to see Jerome educated here. I have many reasons for this.
So if you want to think and decide what you want to do, please keep me informed as soon as possible. I will also write Mother Superior on this topic and we will then decide the course to follow.
I have no news of your father and I have never caused him any trouble. I wish that you two not discuss issues of money. If your grand mother has done anything for you in the past few years, it is also a consequence of what she did in the past.
I have to wait one month before I can send part of the child support. And if any funds are left at the end of the year, I only keep it for the both of you. Finally, I hope that it will allow us to have a roof over our heads in France in a better condition than in the past.
Secondly, my operation, my illness, left me with debts towards Magda that I had to pay somehow. We survived together with 8 to 10 per month. I never wanted to talk about such things, this is why I kept quiet. Today, you are fifteen and it is time that some things be made clear.
The only important thing was that you remain with Magda. And your grand mother... who in the past was so slick that no one could stand her - which is also why we left for the U.S.A., so we could have some peace. Things must be seen as they are.
You are young. Your upbringing includes religious concepts: charity, honesty, goodness, no? You must have hope, think of the future, try to complete satisfactory schooling and then enjoy your youth and maybe come to America. However, you have to be well prepared for this. The U.S.A. are not for everyone. It is a cruel country with no social laws. If you have to think about marrying, I am not sure an American would be the right choice.
If your character is close to your father's, then you can adapt to America. If you are more like me and that you are looking for something deeper, then this is not the place. The conditions are just no the same. There is no security even with diplomas, etc....
I have no social security and no health insurance. Right now, neither Jerome nor I have any insurance. I cannot afford one. To the grace of God. I do not persue a material life, but a basic minimum is required not to cause harm to others. By leaving you in boarding school, at least you had a stable life with good examples. The time will come when you will, like today's youth, enjoy your youth and freedom.
In a few years, you will understand better. I took care of you, alone, from the age of 18 months until you were six. Life has not been very cheerful, except for a few years when I could have re-built my life. You were jealous and other things came into play, but it was my decision. If I return to France, I have to find work and a home, but not for another two years at best. So everyone will have to be patient. For the rest, it cannot be better or worse. I would really be hurt if you or Jerome were not successful in your studies.
I am sending this letter to Mother Superior with two cheques of 10$ each under the photographs of Jerome. A small token for your holidays. I am sorry that I cannot do more, but this year, there was no Christmas at home. Jerome was nonetheless treated by neighbors and the usual, reliable friends. Jerome knows how to trap people, you were more timid and polite, he is more and more the devil... Yet he leaves a strange impression on people. As far as I am concerned, I cannot wait to execute my plan to return to France. There he will be disciplined - in America, weakness reigns supreme. He has fits of rage and we have our moments when sparks fly. The opposite of you. I believe that, now, you will not show signs of jealousy, as in 1960.
It took me a few days to write this letter. I have very little free time.
I hope to hear from you soon. This letter is personal, no?
P.S. I do not think it useful that you convey this letter to your grand mother. Please, I do not wish to hear of her.
Love
Mother