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Five
Ring Circus |
| Subject: | A ton of bricks on me |
| Date: | Tuesday, August 20,1996 22:47:01 -0500 |
| From: | Jérôme |
| To: | Silvana |
Today, as I feared, the ton of bricks finally dropped on me.
You remember when my mother called two weeks ago? I said I had never heard her that way before. A desperate voice... I was afraid...
Upon arriving here, I realized she had done things her way, as usual. I had asked her to make an appointment at the hospital for the day after my arrival. She replied that she thought we would make the appointment upon my arrival. Another of her smoke screens... she knew it could take up to two weeks to have an appointment! In addition, my trip was scheduled to be twelve days long. Go figure! She did not even want to make the call, I had to do it.
That was nothing with respect to the shock I got. I could very well see that things were not normal: she could do some things and not others. Uncertainty... Worries...
In the end, I do not know what her illness is all about. I have never seen illness near me. Let alone cancer; oncology was not part of my vocabulary.
Today, there are not as many uncertainties. Things have become quite clear. We saw her doctor today. After the examination, he took me aside and asked
Are you aware of her condition?
Yes and No. I know she has cancer, but not the extent of it, the treatments she needs, all that ... My mom always hid things from me, so I am not surprised by anything, really. The only thing she told me was that the doctors said it could not be curedShe has breast cancer. The tumor has surfaced as well. That is why she had the bandage. The disease spread to her bones; thus the pain & the pills she had. Then in June, a jaundice; so the liver is probably under attack. It required an operation - on St.Jean Baptiste Day.
What are the choices?Very few: chemotherapy, immediately.
To me it is all very clear. We have to act now. We did not give her a chance to say no, she got her first treatment immediately. She is worried about losing her hair; I tried to make her understand that we would rather have her around.
I am going to stay here for another three to four weeks to accompany her through her following treatment. I do not want her to take the first treatment just to humor me. But I will leave the third treatment up to her.
The fourth treatment will be close to her birthday. I will come with Arianna, but I want to keep it as a surprise. I also want to have her friends come over if possible.
Then I will come back over the holidays.
I also want to keep the surprise that you are pregnant again. Just a little while longer. As the child should arrive in April, that could be real motivation for her to come over again. This time she can be there for a baptism in June!
The upcoming year mapped itself out quickly. It is so clear to me. Screw those strategy teachers we knew: there are no strategic choices...
I am going to rest now. I will try anyway.
Jérôme